Solomon Grundy – A Conservative Tale of Woe

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Solomon Grundy.
Born on a Monday.
Christened on Tuesday.
Married on Wednesday.
Took ill on Thursday.
Grew worse on Friday.
Died on Saturday.
Buried on Sunday.
That was the end
Of Solomon Grundy.

Since its birth in the 1860s, the Conservative Party has lived on to a ripe old age. Having started life as the Conservatives and Unionists, the party grew and evolved. Nothing much changed as the party weaved its way through democratic life, in and out of government, establishing itself as one of the two major forces in British politics.

‘A Sunday funeral should be okay.’

Then came a major turning point for the Conservatives – the marriage of convenience with the Liberal Democrats. Far from being a match made in heaven, this coalition had its troubles. Nevertheless, it earned itself a place in the history books as an unlikely survival story, having given birth to the idea of Brexit. This story came to an abrupt end when the Liberal Democrats suffered considerable humiliation at the next election.

The Conservatives dusted themselves down and soldiered on. The party was still strong and its following was getting stronger. Then came the EU Referendum and the party got the sniffles. It began to recover under new leadership which gave some hope of a full recovery, largely due to the support of the people off the back of the Party’s promise to enact the vote for Brexit.

The Conservatives were very strongly in favour of democracy. Brexit meant Brexit and no deal was better than a bad deal. The recovery appeared to be almost complete but, sadly, nobody noticed that a more serious infection was lurking in the background. It eventually manifested itself in the form of the Chequers Agreement and the Conservative Party has been seriously ill ever since, with the infection growing steadily worse and going on to becoming practically incurable.

Internal divisions between the ERG and the party’s Remainers grew worse by the day, as nobody could agree on an appropriate cure. The disease was now widespread and chronic. Nothing has worked but they are still hoping and praying for a full recovery.

Many Conservatives have now come to the realisation that the Party can no longer exist in its original form as it has, sadly, ended up on life support. This week, a small majority remains in denial and, at the latest meeting of the 1922 committee, the Party decided that it was not quite ready to turn off the equipment.

The Conservative Party breathes on, with every last breath requiring a great deal of assistance. Hopes of recovery are diminishing as each day goes by. The Brexit Party and the Labour Party are both waiting for some news and stand ready to seize an opportunity to set a new path for our country, albeit likely to take us in completely opposite directions.

The country just waits on as the end of the Conservative Party fast approaches. It’s no longer a question of if the Party will die, but when. Most are just sitting back and waiting for the funeral to be announced. Going by the woeful tale of Solomon Grundy, a Sunday would probably be okay.

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